I’m not the best driver in the world, but I do love driving. I learned to drive in a lifted Grand Cherokee on winding roads of the Santa Cruz mountains and open fields and shaded redwood lanes of my university. The jeep was red, the music was loud, and I felt free. That was long time ago and I have not had a car in the past five years on Oahu. I most recently found out I would have to take my driving test again, since my California license has expired. Finding a friend with a car willing to go with me to the DMV has been tough, but a few months ago the Officer offered to help. The only problem: he drove a stick-shift. He was willing to teach me, but I was childish and obstinate. One lesson in a Kailua church parking lot was cut short, I did not have the patience to listen or practice. Basically an attitude problem and a lack of appreciation for the gift being offered.
Fast forward a few months and I still don’t have my licence. The Officer is no longer officially my boyfriend, but we see each other and now I really see him. I see how patient he is, how thorough his answers are when I have a question, how considerate and willing to help and break things down for me so I can succeed. He has been supportive of my journey of seeking a therapist, starting antidepressants, taking steps such as getting my transcripts so I can go back to teaching. Looking back I felt I had missed an opportunity, but I put my pride away and asked him if he would teach me again how to drive a stick. This time would be different I knew. This time I would not take any of it for granted. This time I would pay attention and genuinely try to learn because he is genuinely trying to teach me. He agreed.
We headed out of Waikiki in the direction of Hawaii Kai. He drove and I changed gears. For close to 30 minutes through traffic and stops he patiently narrated every single gear change. Repeating the same instructions over and over, not minding that I needed one more direction and one more. He was calm and collected and finally I started getting the hang of it. I could anticipate the next change by looking at his feet. As we were driving we saw a bright and powerful full double rainbow. It was beautiful amidst the soft afternoon mist. I called it the rainbow of blessings of our cooperation. Soon we would be turning into a residential one way street where I would take the driver seat. He gently helped me to adjust the seat, the tilt, height, and position and I started. Up and down the street I drove, practiced first gear to second gear and back and stops and soon the Officer directed me onto a street with traffic, my skills about to be put to a real test.
I was so nervous, it started raining, cars driving all around me, but his calm voice and instructions kept me grounded. I was driving stick on a crowded street for the first time in my life! I could not believe it. After a few minutes we turned into a big beach park parking lot where I had to confront my frustrations in practicing more maneuvers. A couple of times I stalled completely and was so embarrassed because moments earlier I was doing fine. The Officer could not be more patient and gently but firmly gave instructions for my feet and on one occasion my hand. I practiced as the sun was setting and the beautiful water glistened in the background, few people leaving the beach. Finally the release of the clutch and the acceleration of the gas clicked and I understood the delicate balance of letting go and pushing in, I was elated and the Officer complimented my breakthrough.
I drove in traffic again, taking us to Kona Brewing Company to celebrate with lemongrass luau beer in the last moments of daylight. A new chapter has begun on the Hawaiian island.