I toured the USS Bowfin submarine at Pearl Harbor with the Officer on a pretty, clear Hawaiian Discoverers’ Day. He was attentive and helpful, changing the stations on my audio tour, making sure I did not just wander through in a daze, uninformed. I was not well. Moving through the different compartments, seeing the missiles next to sleeping beds, the engine rooms next to living quarters, moving linearly through the boat my throat started tightening, cold sweat covering my skin as the audio spoke of casualties and the sacrifice of men that traversed those spaces long before me. Vertigo hit. I am an empath, I could not remain there as long as I did if it wasn’t for the support of the Officer. Left to my own devices I probably would have rushed through the boat, not allowing the full significance of its history to penetrate my innards.
The Bowfin is a fleet attack submarine that fought in the Pacific during WWII, launched exactly a year after the attack on Pearl Harbor. This year is the 75th anniversary of the attack and the consciousness of it has pervaded my entire time on the island. One of the first movies I saw when I moved here 5 years ago was From Here to Eternity, a story of love and the military in Hawaii leading up to the attack. Coming here was entering the feeling of the war, and as I watched the archival footage in the museum exhibit I felt nauseous, knowing I am standing on the very ground targeted. The Officer too had goosebumps as he stood beside me.
Looking at the artifacts and documents, a war quote touched me, on holding a hibiscus flower in one hand and a gasmask in another. Hawaii in the wartime became a fortress, with martial law dictating all aspects of life for years, including curfew times, blackouts and the curtailing of civil liberties for all of the inhabitants of the islands. At Pearl Harbor, after the tour of the submarine and looking into the distance at USS Missouri, site of the official Japanese surrender of World War II, and at the USS Arizona Memorial floating over the sunken ship where hundreds perished, it is easy to get lost in heavy thoughts of the war and sacrifice. It is a story integral to being in Hawaii, today just as ever.
What spoke to me from the shadows of the past, among the installations of the missiles and the multitudes of tourists, were the broken dreams of those who never came back. With the Officer looking through the periscope at Pearl Harbor I feared for his future deployment in this uncertain world, with admiration for his dedication. I was grateful I could see through his eyes that day of the visit to the submarine and my sadness, with pride.
