Departing town this morning for the windward side, the value of the individual and the question of freedom was on my mind. I thought of the reality of everyday life. What things are controlling us and how? How do we respond in relationship to ourselves and those closest to us? Moving through Waikiki on foot, I thought of political implications of representation. I read the landscape as bread and circus island edition, where capital controls and desire of consumption dominates. Can it be resisted? Can life in Waikiki of spectacle be a life of authenticity?
Walking to restaurants and bars on my visits with the Officer I think how I can liberate my consciousness and thus reorder my everyday life away from mechanisms of control and toward ethics of civic responsibility, beauty of subjective emotion, and above all interpersonal connection and understanding. I am moving away from passive consumption and into participatory life. Love is my resistance to capital, because through love I am grounded in the change in my psyche. And that love radiates from me to the world, I am not indifferent to people next to me even as I walk silently beside them.
The city environment exerts powerful influence on the emotions and behaviors of individuals inhabiting it or passing through. Those effects can come from organized structures or be their by-products. I know Waikiki tries to seduce me with its designer stores and the excess of alcohol, often in tropical combinations. Moving through crowds of tourists can feel like moving through jello, laborious yet sweet. Most people on the street are on vacation, sometimes disoriented, sometimes wandering aimlessly, maybe lost in a map or determined to get to a destination but always part of the current of the city. Months ago, as a resident, I would get lost in the streets, almost powerless in my lust for its attractions. I was also scared of authenticity and connection. Now when I visit the Officer with my overnight bag, I let everything superficial go. What brings me back from the amusement park of Waikiki is the embrace of the private realm, where two people share tacos and laughter and kisses. The simple joy of cooking together outweighs all of the spectacle below the 11th floor.
One recent night, the Officer took me to a wonderful dinner at one of the Waikiki hotels. We sat overlooking the beach with a majestic view of Diamond Head as the sun was setting and the sky was the color of lilac. At that moment I was no longer scared of Waikiki the monstrosity of capital and dazed tourists and saw its beauty. It was charming, and gentle, and sweet as we walked back holding hands. I saw other people in love on the street, families happily picking out souvenirs and I understood that as long as we know what is most important, we can enjoy it all. We can be entertained and be free, as long as we know that attractions come and go, but love at the end of the night remains. And there is no more lovely feeling than coming home from public spaces of designed enchantment to the space where you fall asleep and awake together dreaming dreams in one embrace.